Friday, September 09, 2016

greetings old friend

It's been too long, dear friends. I didn't think this space would still be here after all of these years. I haven't missed you but I need you right now. I think in some of past posts I think I whined about a girl I used to know. I regret that now. I'm not sure I ever really like here it kinda felt like I was under spell and then suddenly I wasn't.

There have been a few other girls since then. It's been fun but this last one really got me in my feelings again. We were never official or anything but god do I love her. They three years have been weird and painful where she is concerned. We met at my old job. We worked across from each other and we talked every day. Soon we began talking on Facebook and then we talked to each other on the phone ever day after work. We became really close. And then she met a guy. All she ever wanted to about was this guy. Eventually, they started dating. That's when hell began. On Facebook, she always posted pictures of them together. Every time I saw those pictures it was like daggers in my chest. I think I even cried a few times thinking about how hurt and mad that made me. A lot of other things with them happened. He moved to Flordia, she went to go visit him and found out he was cheating on her. She drove back home in tears and in fury. Some time passes, he moves back then they find themselves back together again. Through all of this, I'm still here talking to friends (fuck).

So after that a lot of life happens between the both of us. I'm don't feel like typing all of that out.  So about two years ago she's still with this guy and their relationship is really rocky. They fight all time and she says she's at her breaking point. Then, she calls me to tell me she's pregnant.  And finally my heart shatters. I've never felt that kind of pain before. All this time like a fool I hoped that maybe we could maybe some how be together. She said before se found out she was pregnant she planned to break up with him but in her mind, I guess that was now a no go.

That was when I kinda stopped talking to her altogether. I mean we spoke to each other a few times here and there. I went to her baby shower and had an awful time. A few months later she had the kid. I saw her once after that. And I think that was the last time I had spoken to her in a year. We might have texted each other here and there but no long conversations. About maybe five months ago she texted me that she was pregnant again. Why I don't know why. I called her. We talked for a minute or two, whatever. Then, about a month ago, she posted a comment on a friends post on Facebook and I decided I should just text a "hello" to her since i hadn't talked to her in months. She texted a hello back and went back forth for a few minutes. It was nice. The next day she texted me I should help her out with this website that gives you gift cards for do surveys and other tasks. I agreed to help her and from then on we texting each other again every day. Last Thursday night she was alone at home with her kid like she every night because her baby day works at night. She texts me there's a guy banging on her door and she scared. She called the cops they come through and the guy is long gone. After they leave she texts me she scared and that her baby's father won't be home till 4:30. I tell her to call me if she needs to to. I'll be up all night. She calls me and we talk for awhile. We talked about a few things . Some hoe we end up talking about our old jobs and all of the guys knew or almost dated. She mentions there was one guy who it looked like she was going to date but she ended up getting pregnant and the guy was like fuck her and never talked to her again. Of course she was talking about me but I didn't catch it at the time. But once I did I realized i'm an idiot and I wasted a lot of time thinking I could never have when she was probably waiting for me to make a move but at the time it honestly felt like I was annoying her. I don't know.

The next day she goes into labor and had her second child (a girl btw). I texted her a few times but she only answered once and that was to send me photos of the kid. I texted her after that but she never texted me back. i would like to talk her again but she's got two babies to worry about now. So i doubt she'll ever have time for my nonsense. I hope one day we can talk it out though.

So, all of this to say I love her I've always will and it's going to hurt for a while knowing i'll never be with her. What to do now is the question. I hope there's an answer coming soon.

Good bye for now dear friends. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. It's helped a lot.

Friday, November 09, 2012

hello from the ass end of 2012

It's me again , back from the dead and shit. I managed to escape Pluto but some how I got pulled back in. Now begin my captivity and my plans to escape.

Monday, February 14, 2011

wasting time

time'sa wasting and i don't know how not to waste it. been told to keep on dreaming. what's the point of dreaming a dream you want to come true if you don't where to find it within yourself to make it come true. think i'm finally ready to give up on certain dreams. i really need to know if this is the right thing but i'm the only one that can answer that. fuck. believe in yourself. i did a goodthing. maybe i went over board. i'm not gonna beat myself up about it...i'm gonna try not to. ok sleep time.

still trying to be a better

A Happy Valentines Day Niggaro?

blah blah blah...sent some flowers. The broads who got 'em liked 'em. Think I really just wasted my time. Lesson learned, moving on. Hope this lesson sticks. Been sick all weekend. 48 hour head cold shit. Glad it's gone but now it's time to go back to work. Vacation is still two months away. I have somethings I like to do. Most likely I wont be able to save up the money to do them. So, looks like another vacation suck in the house. Wish this was a happier blog. I never post good news here. Maybe I don't like to talk about the good things that happen to me. There are more good moments these days though. Today wasn't a bad. It just wasn't great. Maybe thing will change at work tonight. I've said enough for today.


Saturday, February 05, 2011

Nothing 2 talk about a lot

just bored a lot. sadly killing time till 10pm monday night. not really hungry. could eat though. nothing on tv worth watching. internets is dull right now. the once former future love may be on the facebook but we have nothing to say to her. the other chick aint ready yet. bored a lot right now. christ it's 7pm fuck the tv. sitting in the cold room thousand and one things to do. nothing worth doing.thinking about eating...sigh. not depressed just not motivated. just bored a lot. ate too much milk. body aches a lot. random thought a lot. cold in here. must resist sitting on facebook and eating right now. divorced the milk flavored food tonight. like i said random thought a lot. fuck grammar a lot. hate sitting in here alone a lot. a whole hell of waste a lot. i know the minute i go to sit on facebook all night people will be posting about they did tonight. fuck them a lot. assholes i hope they rot... not really. so yeah this post was a waste. hope you didn't waste you time reading it. reader that doesnt exist.

Tyrone!-a lot

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Blues Away

Another boring Saturday night. Bumpin some Jacksons from the 70's. Fucking love "Blues Away". Reading All-Star Superman again. Not that I really read it the first time. Today was pretty tame. I slept most of the day away. Didn't want to spend any money so I didn't go anywhere. I've finally come to the conclusion that there really isn't much to do in Memphis other than go to club or hang out on Beale Street. Pretty fucking sad if you ask me.

In other news...Apply for a job at Nike, on there website, That was about 2 weeks ago. I haven't gotten a call of an email but I'm gonna keep applying for jobs on their site hopefully that'll get there attention.

Nothing new to report on "Tay-Gate". If it's meant to be it'll happen. I hope...sigh

blues away indeed...


Monday, July 05, 2010


Think I need to clam the fuck down. It's never as bad as I imagine it is.


Sunday, July 04, 2010

I'm Beamin'

So bored right now. So bored I finally decided to write something on my "blog". I'm thinking about going to walmart to get some icecream but i do that every saturday. I need a crew really bad. Not really beamin right now. that is all.